PaulAvila.com

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

Category: funny

Homeownership

Owning a house can try your patience and bring you joy at the same time. A perfect example came this week in the car maintenance folder. I put new brake pads in my Prius. One hour & 10 minutes start to end of clean up. Today, um, my patience was taken to the limit. And maybe over the limit, for a brief moment.

You see, our dryer stopped heating. The uproar from the residents of my house, meaning my wife and 3 grown up giant human people kids, was quite urgently expressed over the last week. Having two jobs and being tired AF puts appliance repair in the same category as going to court or the DMV. So with my tools and some cussin’ I replaced the gas valve solenoids and thermo coupler. Putting the dryer back in place was a challenge and to achieve victory I asked my wife to jump in for the reconnection of the gas line and vent hose. Hanging like an upside down monkey behind the dryer the reconnect was completed. A repair for the ages for sure. Let’s see what breaks next…..LOL!!!

Republican style business plan

The Titanic Society

Send your loved ones off on a cruise they’ll never forget. In fact it will be so memorable it will be the last one they’ll go on. Featuring spacious cabins, and luxurious linens, your loved ones will be comfortable in their last moments.

How it works:

When the cruise ship gets far enough offshore (to prevent unwanted escape) it will hit a realistic iceberg and then start sinking, JUST LIKE THE MOVIE! As the sweet release of drowning in a small space takes them away you’ll know the price of this once in a lifetime event was worth every penny. For a special $2,999 upgrade we’ll place your dearest on the front of the ship so they can experience the sinking ship just like the movie! Priceless!

Proceeds from your loving purchase will go towards private schools, yachts, and magnificient vacation homes for our shareholders. Rest assured, your loved ones would have wanted it this way.

Terms:

After 72 hours we’ll retrieve the ship from the ocean floor. This time period allows for the full experience for our guests. We are not responsible for any private property left on board during the journey. Salvage operations for valuables are handled by We Find Your Treasures & Keep Them, Inc. Any and all claims for injury or death are null and void upon purchase of a boarding pass and cabin. Boarding pass price fluctuations are based on the S&P 500 index. Remember, your loved ones prefer a healthy economy over anything else. Thank you, please share this offer with your friends and family.

Gold

Twitter reigns supreme for pure comedy gold:

https://twitter.com/LaurelCoons/status/1025794511551823873

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén